It’s one of the most common questions I get—especially from other moms with teens:
“How do you deal with attitudes?”
They mean the sighing, the slammed doors, the “I don’t want to” and “Why me again?” kinds of moments.
I get it. We live there too.
But somewhere along the way, I realized the question itself is backwards.
The Power of What We Speak
The Bible tells us to “speak life,” to focus on what is good, pure, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8).
It reminds us that “the tongue holds the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21).
And yet—most of the time when we talk about our kids, even in Christian circles—we’re accidentally speaking death over them.
When I’d say, “He’s always got an attitude,” or “She never listens,” I wasn’t describing behavior anymore.
I was claiming identity over my child.
I was agreeing with something that God never said about them.
God Never Defined His People by Their Failures
God didn’t name David “adulterer” or “murderer,” even though those were part of his story.
He still called him “a man after My own heart.”
So why do we call our children lazy, defiant, or unmotivated?
Somewhere between parenting books, memes about “teenagers being teenagers,” and our own exhaustion,
we started letting labels do the work of leadership.
What if instead, we spoke to the purpose God designed in them—even while the behavior needs correction?
Because when we speak what God sees, something shifts.
Our tone changes. Our reactions change. And more than anything—our children’s hearts change.
The Words That Build or Break a Home
When we homeschool, or try to raise our kids counter-culturally, it’s easy to believe that being home together will naturally produce holiness.
But that’s not how it works.
We’re still being refined.
They’re still being formed.
And I’ll be honest—I’m not reading Scripture aloud every day like I should be.
Still, the most powerful transformation I’ve seen didn’t come from a perfect devotion schedule.
It came from realizing that the words I spoke over my children carried creative power.
“And God said, ‘Let there be light.’” — Genesis 1:3
Everything began with what He said.
Everything I’m building in my home begins with what I say.
When I label one child as “always difficult,” I give permission for that identity to root.
When I call another “the responsible one,” I build a different kind of burden.
Both are curses in disguise.
We’re meant to train our children, not define them.
Renewing the Mind
When I started changing my language, I saw what Scripture means by “the renewing of the mind” (Romans 12:2).
I began asking:
What might God want to grow out of this personality?
What gift is hidden in that stubbornness?
What calling could come from that intensity?
That reframing became a discipline.
It changed how I correct, how I think, how I pray.
And it reminded me—these children don’t belong to me.
They were entrusted to me.
They already belong to Someone else.
🕊️ PAID SECTION: WHEN I STOPPED CLAIMING THEIR ATTITUDES
Let me tell you what this actually looks like inside my house.
